Actual Sunlight Review

“Why commit suicide today, when you could masturbate tomorrow?”

So begins Actual Sunlight, an incredibly well written game about depression and the slippery slope to suicide. The experience is largely text-based; and not in a text adventure kind of way, but rather a ‘loads of reading’ kind of way. Certainly questions like ‘is this actually a game’ will arise, but ultimately these arguments are pointless and unnecessary as Actual Sunlight is a beautiful interactive experience that shows just how effective poignant writing and a relatively unexplored theme can be. The game tracks the life of Evan Winter, whose thoughts make up the majority of the experience; but what makes Actual Sunlight so impactful is that the writer and developer behind the game, one Will O’Neil, clearly writes from experience. It’s haunting, intriguing and the best representation of depression that I’ve ever seen.

A review such as this is impossible to write without a personal perspective; this is, afterall, a highly emotive topic. I’m not a person who’s suffered from depression or suicidal thoughts, I’ve had my fair share of downs, but I can’t claim to have had any serious issues in my life. If O’Neil is to be believed, that could have a lot to do with my youth. As such, I’ve always struggled to understand the realities of depression; I’m not ignorant or disrespectful, it’s just impossible for me to really comprehend it all without experiencing it first hand. In fact, O'Neill explicitly comments on people having a lack of understanding for those suffering from depression. “Don’t you fucking dare”, he writes, to those who would claim to have suffered depression at a young age. “The fact that you are young means in and of itself that you still have a lot of time to change things.”

I can comfortably say now, after playing the game twice through, that I understand depression far more than I ever did before playing Actual Sunlight. The player character, Evan Winter, is one of the most interesting and well developed protagonists I’ve ever played in a game; for a title that only lasts an hour and half and features Pokémon-esque gameplay visuals, that’s a mighty impressive feat. Largely, this is due to that fantastic writing; the game contains various individual pieces that range from monologues written from the viewpoint of Evan to dialogues between Evan and his doctor as well as an amusing talk show dialogue. These are interspersed with direct conversations within the gameworld that are also expertly crafted.

The writing strikes a contemplative tone throughout and the style is reminiscent of Sarah Kane, even Kafka. A very dark sense of humour is present within the early and mid-game, that initial quote being a prime example, as well as Evan’s amusing step-by-step guide to putting together a chest of drawers. It’s a great way to stop the experience becoming a route to depression itself, while the down to earth viewpoint keeps every piece of writing relatable and interesting. O'Neill explores numerous topics and their links to depression: corporate lifestyles, alcoholism, self-consciousness, even videogames and modern technology. There’s plenty here for players to find to find a link between themselves and Evan Winters. Ultimately though, that’s not O’Neill’s aim; this is clearly a highly personal story that simply provides an unmatched insight into the mind of a depression sufferer.

I don’t want to go into detail over Evan’s story, but safe to say that it’s a fantastic emotional roller-coaster. Although if you find lines like, “If love exists in the ability to make another person happy, how can someone who can't make anybody happy ever really be in love”, a little tricky to handle, then maybe it’s not for you. Of course, this is still technically a game, so what actually makes it interactive? The text sections are partially interactive, requiring the player to hit enter to advance the text. This can have some amusing and well-thought-through effects that I’ll let you discover. The rest of the game is set within an oxymoronic pixel art world that most players will liken to Pokémon; it’s not the most fitting style for the theme, but it’s functional. More effective are the occasional well-drawn pictures that appear on-screen during crucial moments; they’re great for giving the story a human face and pivotal to the emotion of the game.

There’s no avoiding the very short nature of Actual Sunlight, even if you explore and interact with everything in the game; but for the price of an expensive app, you can’t really go wrong. This is not only something totally unique, but also an incredible journey and exploration of depression. It’s not a Holywood, or TV, version of the issue, and this is a large part of the appeal. Actual Sunlight feels like a realistic representation of depression, courtesy of O’Neill’s unique combination of personal experience and terrific writing chops. It was a joy to play, although that may seem a terrible misuse of language, as it was enlightening in a way I’ve never experienced in a videogame. I can wholly recommend Actual Sunlight;  it’s not for the faint of heart, but it’s an experience worth trying. I can guarantee you’ll learn something about the inner-workings of a depressed individual, and you never know when that knowledge will come in handy.