Glamour Riot Preview

I’m not sure how many games feature participating in beauty pageants and live streaming, but I’m certain there are no others which also embroil you in backstage fistfights like Glamour Riot does. Step into the (almost literally) cutthroat world of modelling with this Early Access title, and try to keep your face pretty.

After creating your prospective beauty, you’re plonked into one of the most awkward menu systems I’ve ever encountered. You have access to your studio to change your equipment, the TV station to participate in pageants, a photography studio for paid photo shoots, a bunch of shops for accessories, the hospital for plastic surgery, and the gym for live streaming. However, you can’t just go from the TV station to the gym, no, you have to cycle past every other option in between. It’s not even a circle, even though it’s literally designed like one!

Anyway, when you get some idea of what each area does, you can head to the TV station for your first pageant. Immediately, you’re mob-rushed by the other nine contestants wanting to smear your face even more than your lipstick. This happens no matter which show you participate in because everyone wants to win.

When your turn to strut comes up, head to the stage and walk through some circles, then do a pose at the end. You’re awarded points for your pose, make-up, and gait, and everyone has three chances to raise as many points as possible. However, anyone beaten unconscious will forfeit their go, and luckily, everyone’s number floats above their head so you can tell who you need to target.

If you win, you qualify for the next round, and much like real life, each pageant requires you to win a different number of rounds. Winners get paid with both money and fame, and the more fame you accrue, the more money you can earn. That’s because you spend your fame to participate in photo shoots, which is where the big money comes from.

You can get a little money from live streaming at the gym, where you use one of a few pieces of gym equipment and you can alter how quickly you use it, and which camera angle to use. Honestly, you can just pick one thing then go do something else, until you run out of stamina, as nothing you do seems to change how much or how swiftly you earn money. I think working out also boosts your stats, but other than health, I didn’t spot any notifications.

The fighting in Glamour Riot is the game’s biggest task, so you need to equip yourself with shoes, earrings, bracelets, and necklaces. Each shop has four of a specific fashion accessory, and they have random stats, with the better ones being priced higher. Oh, also your hair and swimming costume change your stats, so if you find yourself losing fights, they’re your first port of call.

The actual combat is frustrating, and not just because nine women are slapping and kicking you specifically right at the start. There is an attack button, dodge, block, and counter, but it’s almost random which attacks you will do. I thought that I had worked it out, and maybe I did… but the camera was at slightly the wrong angle, so maybe it depends on the direction you’re holding when you attack? You can pick up weapons which do more damage, obviously, but they have limited uses.

Some accessories increase the number of times you can use weapons (such as scooters, crowbars, and flower bouquets), but with some of them, it doesn’t really matter. You give an opponent a concussion, their score will be awful! Try to do a catwalk strut with one, it’s a losing proposition!

A recent update added in horses, and I’ve not mentioned them before because I didn’t want to be too negative. Glamour Riot has interesting ideas, it’s getting regular updates with content and fixes, but what’s with the horses? Head to The Rider’s Den and place a bet, then you have to race to the far end of the nightclub against nine other women, all riding bareback, and the horse controls are “turn a random direction” and “forward”. One is done by balancing forwards, the other by leaning backwards, but you can’t do one without the other. It took me about 10 minutes to get in third place.

I get that the developer is trying to emphasise how absurd this world is, but I’m already getting frustrated by being knocked out in fights for a minute at a time, leaving me with nothing to do but wait. Now, I have to wait while hoping the horse turns back around, while I press up and down?

Of course, Glamour Riot’s biggest draw is the scantily-clad ladies. The screenshots on the Steam page show them with “Armour Mode”, which makes the game safer for streaming, but if you’re looking to play this for the bouncing breasts, it won’t disappoint. They remain covered, even when hair and shoes are being knocked off, but the physics be jiggling.

A very off-the-wall kind of game, but still early enough in its Early Access phase that I have hope for Glamour Riot. If you’re curious but not enough to buy it, check out the demo.