Crime Simulator Review

I got the chance to check out a game called Crime Simulator, developed by CookieDev and published by both Ultimate Games S.A. and PlayWay S.A. The title alone should be enough of an explanation, right? Well, no. In the Steam description, it says that it’s not a stealth-based crime simulator like Thief Simulator (which CookieDev developed the sequel to), but “a fast-paced, roguelite grind character game, designed around risk, reward, and replayability”. Okay, if it’s all that, why is it called Crime Simulator? Why not call it “Crime Spree”? No, wait, that’s a movie, board game, and internet series. No game but… ah, whatever, let’s just get into it.

Now, why do you need to commit as many B&E’s, robberies, and assaults as possible? Well, before all this, you were in jail until a mysterious benefactor bailed you out. However, there’s always a catch, and your bail cost them a pretty penny. If you want your freedom, you’re gonna have to pay off your debt, one heist at a time. And uh, don’t anger your new employer.

You can play solo or in a team of four, coordinating with your friends to take whatever isn’t nailed down. With a properly prepared band of criminals, you can pull off impossible heists right under everyone’s noses. However, there is no honour among thieves and there’s no guarantee that a teammate won’t betray you and take all the loot for themselves. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you about the multiplayer experience (I’m kind of a loner), so the review will be from the perspective of a solo player. But generally, playing with friends tends to be fun and getting caught can lead to some seriously chaotic moments.

Like signing a deal with the devil...

But enough about that, let’s get into the gameplay. Every run/day starts at your hideout, where you can freely prepare for your crimes. If you want to make some cash (outside of growing weed, which is a late-game thing), you’ll need to start robbing people of their possessions.

Your stealing grounds are separated into two types of maps: Towns and Heists. Towns are just suburban areas, full of people to rob clean of their possessions. As for Heists (which require grabbing plans in a Town), you’ll face much more serious security, but it is far more lucrative than taking a bunch of locked smartphones. However, if you get busted at any point, that map will have increased police presence for a couple of days. As if the odds weren’t already stacked against you.

I want everything in the store and I don't care whose knees I have to break!

In order to rob places clean, you’ll need the right tools for the job, such as lockpicks and sleeping gas to get through buildings without anyone seeing you. If you prefer more… aggressive approaches, you can always get yourself a baseball bat and a silenced pistol to take out any pesky guards and innocent bystanders. Don’t worry, they’ll be right as rain by the next day, even after giving them a few new holes in the head, and time is money.

You only have three days to make enough cash to please your benefactor and the best time to rob people is between 21:00 and 6:00. Every NPC has a schedule they’ll follow to the letter, so learn their routines and take advantage of any holes there are in it. Be warned, though, if you don’t meet the requirements, you lose all your items and cash… and your life.

Home sweet... junkyard.

With every criminal that gets shot for failure, the next guy (or gang) has a slightly better chance of not meeting the same fate. Win or lose, you’ll make progress towards unlocking permanent upgrades such as drop-off points, new items in the store, and new difficulties. Any skills you learned from skill leaflets also remain known, so any duplicates you find can be freely sold off, and any info you buy will still be unlocked. Also, your hideout and its furnishings will stay for the next unlucky felon to use. Adding furniture to it will improve your stats, giving you more health, inventory space, and increased sprint speed, so it’s a good idea to decorate before your inevitable end.

Finally, it’s the retention of knowledge from your previous runs that will help you the most. I admit, my first couple of outings ended very prematurely, but as I researched houses and schedules, learned where to find codes for keypads, what tools I should bring, and where the most valuable loot could be, it became easier and easier. I went from a thug who only knew how to use a crowbar to a mastermind who can ghost through a heist without alerting a single guard. It’s a satisfying way to see how much you’ve improved since then. And it only took the deaths of dozens of ex-cons to do it! And there is an ending to the game, which is a nice motivator.

That scanner cost me $1200. This better be worth it!

Despite claiming that it isn't Thief Simulator, it uses quite a few assets from the game and goes about similarly to it. You still need to buy specific tools to break into places, hack electronics, and make the most of your ill-gotten gains (like unlocking phones), while doing your best to avoid tenants and the cops. But there’s also the DNA of Lethal Company: a quota that must be met, loot that needs to be dragged back to base, limited item slots, and the potential for chaos when things go wrong. You can even have a guy in the chair, directing you through areas, identifying loot, and warning you of security measures. It was actually kind of fun, but it lacks the inherent horror-comedy that Zeekerss’ effort naturally creates. At best, you’ll get scared the first couple of times from people walking into the room or the police tasing you out of nowhere.

Now onto performance. Crime Simulator ran pretty well for the most part, staying at a consistent 60 FPS throughout my time with the game. However, it came at a sacrifice: the loading times. They take a good chunk of time to get through. That sort of ruins your flow for a “fast-paced, roguelite grind character game”. I also ran into a little trouble even starting the game at first, where I tried to play on Offline Mode first, and it didn't work. It froze and eventually stopped responding when I tried to play the tutorial. Reloaded the game and used Online Mode, and it worked perfectly. That might need a fix.

Get in, bash some heads, get out.

My biggest gripe, though, is the progression system. I don’t mind long grinds, which is a feature here, it’s just how it goes about it, especially with the skill leaflets. Because they are random spawns, you’ll need to rely on luck to unlock the skills you want/require to progress further. Also, if you lose a run, those spare leaflets also disappear, so you’ll need to find the specific skill all over again. I prefer a skill tree to this, especially given how long it takes to level up and gain skill points. I’d also like more info on what I’m learning and unlocking. I was stoked to unlock those drop-off points I mentioned earlier, but I got upset when I saw I needed to spend 250 bucks to open them. They couldn’t have told me when I was choosing my rewards?

Hurk! Bleghhh...

I actually didn’t expect to enjoy Crime Simulator as much as I did. Sure, it can be slow-going, but I enjoyed the process of becoming an effective criminal who can rob entire neighbourhoods blind. There’s satisfaction in its repetition, as it makes you learn the tricks of the trade and create your own plans naturally. That being said, progression is glacial and will take a very long time before you can even call yourself a professional.