Skylanders… Skylanders Everywhere!

Many know me as a — we’ll go with frugal — gamer, who waits for sales and rarely buys a game upon release. It’s a policy that’s served me well over the years, missing out on many a wiped save game, unpatched monstrosity and poorly scoring trainwreck. So it’s with some annoyance that I now look at the franchise that has been the only one I’ve happily purchased within its opening week, ever since the PlayStation 2: LEGO.

Backing up - I have always looked at Skylanders with disgust. First you buy a game, then you have to keep buying toys which literally have no purpose outside of standing on the little pad to ‘send’ into the game. It’s DLC made physical, and constantly replicated with new toys brought out with every new title.

This isn't even a third of them...

When Disney Infinity was announced, I sighed and rolled my eyes. Disney have long been a merchandising giant, so when they bought Marvel they would inevitably bring those superheroes into the game, which they did with Disney Infinity 2.0. Yet more toys that do nothing.

Being a free game, I didn’t really bat an eyelid when Angry Birds brought out the Telepods. They had already merchandised the hell out of the franchise before those even came up, and so I looked at it as an extension of that.

Lines MAY be getting crossed...

Fine, I thought, it’s not like I’m being forced to buy the games or toys. Of course my kids wanted the games and sets of toys, but I’m the adult and didn’t want to waste money on something I deemed utterly without merit. They rarely touch videogames that aren’t on the DS or mobile, anyway.

Nintendo decided to step into this obviously lucrative market with the amiibo line. I honestly still don’t know what they do, because stocks are always so limited! I had to look it up on Nintendo’s FAQ! Why make a limited amount of an item you want people to use in conjunction with your game? It baffles me, to see limited editions and highly-priced amiibo on eBay. Are you so eager to use a cheat that you’re willing to pay three times the price? Because that’s what they’re for — making games easier and unlocking content like a cheat code.

Recently announced, LEGO Dimensions is the LEGO version of this phenomenon. This causes me several issues. I’ve bought every LEGO game that’s come out, some on multiple systems. But I hate Skylanders. But TT Games make amazing titles. But it requires extra purchases on top of an incredibly expensive Starter Pack. But the toys have uses outside of the game. But it has the Wicked Witch of the West as one of those aforementioned extra purchases…

Top row, third from left - Wicked Witch.

The recommended retail price for the Starter Kit is £99.99 on PS4. From what I can tell, going by that and like-for-like Disney Infinity prices, it will be £49 for the game, £13 for the three minifigs and £13 for the Batmobile with £24.99 for the Toy Pad. It’s £100 for the pleasure of spending hundreds more!

That’s insane to me. I have never paid more than £39.99 for a game, and that was a birthday present for my wife which I bought begrudgingly (for the price, not the gift itself). I’ve never bought a console that wasn’t bundled with a load of stuff and over two years old — I still don’t have a PS4. I have four children, so filling the house with peripherals that are only used with a single game is also madness. I never bought Donkey Konga, I’ve kept away from band and guitar games and I would kick someone if they tried to get me to buySingstar. I honestly want to punch PlayStation as a brand, for forcing that icon to remain on the XBMC of my PS3… But I digress.

I guarantee - multiplatform chart #1 for months...

Where will this phenomenon end? Can we expect Activision to announce that Call of Duty: Black Ops III will have little army blokes? Will you be able to send Altair from the Crusades in Jerusalem to Victorian England in Assassin’s Creed Victory? Is Mattel working on licensing a Hot Wheels game that requires you to buy toy cars bolted to stands, so they aren’t even useable as toy cars?

I get that it’s a money maker and that’s why they make them... I guess I’m just angry at you people who buy it all.