The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind Has a Goblin Problem

Goblins are very fun to kill in videogames. I think that this is because developers universally recognise them as a means to make players feel powerful. In return, we players understand that Goblins are fodder to be crushed beneath our noob-tier, level-one boot. It's just a language we all, as gamers, are comfortable with.

Well, it seems that Bethesda didn't get the memo when designing The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind's Tribunal DLC because the aforementioned little, green monsters got thoroughly beefed to the high heavens! These are more or less super Goblins, and frankly, it's nonsense.

Now, anyone with even a passing interest in old-school fantasy RPG videogames has more than likely heard of these infamous Goblins — they're just that broken. However, if you're out of the loop, let me bring you up to speed.

First off, these snarling buggers hit like damn diminutive freight trains, with weapons that deal comparable damage to end base-game weapons. Just think of that: their tiny, primitive, one-handed bone clubs can dish out pain on the same level as a hell-forged, demonic, two-handed claymore sword.

 

Secondly, Goblins have hidden features that augment them, which include a buff that adds further melee damage to their already devastating weapons. Even the lowliest grunts have this ability, and it only scales up from there based on the variant of Goblin encountered.

Concerning those aforementioned variants, they can get pretty gnarly further up the food chain; some can wield magic, and others can even resist normal weapons (a feature usually reserved only for undead or demonic enemies), which means that they are straight-up immune to most of the game's available armaments.

Akin to all of this, all Goblins seem to also have naturally high evasion stats as a standard, as they are typically adept at blocking with shields (which is a randomly triggered action in Morrowind) and can even dodge hits altogether quite often.

Thirdly, these tough-as-nails mobs attack in, well, mobs… Yes, much like traditional Tolkien Goblins, these annoying little whirlwinds of teeth and claws are never alone, and when one strikes, a whole bunch of its friends are never too far behind. Oh, and for good measure, they deploy trained attack dogs to bolster their ranks! Really, it's this swarming behaviour that reveals itself to be their most deadly trait. One on one, Goblins can eventually be overcome due to their relatively small health pools; however, when they surround you, it feels like your hero's been chucked straight into a blender.

All in all, I would say that the two High Elf trainers responsible for taming and training said Goblins did an all-around solid job. After all, they managed to do the impossible: elevate a bunch of primitive dimwits to a near-unconquerable army, and as such, their employment was worth every penny.

That's all I really have to say about the Goblins of Tribunal, and although it may seem like it, this genuinely hasn't been one of my usual rants; more so, it has otherwise been my befuddlement expressed. Truly, what a strange design decision, no? Personally, I would've much preferred the typical sea of tried-and-tested weaklings to mow down, and thus, have my warrior's strength reaffirmed post-base game. Instead, Bethesda built end-game enemies for an end-game player, which just makes Goblins, of all things, a very odd choice, indeed.