Pizza Titan Ultra Review

I should start off by saying that I’m one of those people who lists “pizza” as one of their favourite foods. Another one of my favourite things? Giant robots. Also, one of my favourite game mechanics is destructible environments - so imagine how much I was looking forward to Pizza Titan Ultra, a game that combines all three things by putting a pizza shop inside a giant robot.

What could go wrong?

Honestly, that would have been enough for me, but upon loading the game you get a theme song. If you add a theme song, it’s a scientific fact that whatever it is becomes a thousand times better. Rocket Riot, the comic Nextwave, Pizza Titan Ultra - if you gave Resident Evil a theme song, I’d play the hell out of it, and I hate scary games. Then again, maybe only really good things get theme songs…? It’s catchy without being a horrid earworm, and does a great job of telling you this world’s backstory. The cutscenes before VIP deliveries (missions) are static talking heads and frequently made me laugh.

Basically, this robot called Cheezborg ruled Galactic City with horrible fast food until it was overthrown by Ultra Pizza a few years ago, and seemingly defeated. However, much like horrible fast food, it may be returning… Okay, spoilers, it totally is, otherwise we wouldn’t have a game.

Okay five, not a few

Pizza Titan Ultra sees you as the new pilot of the store - remember, it’s embedded inside the chest of a 10-story tall robot mech - and have to make special VIP deliveries across the eight suburbs of Galactic City within a time limit. To add more time you can collect floating clocks (explained away as random pieces of time), or deliver pizzas which is done by punching randomly selected buildings. As well as clocks, there is floating money scattered about the place (explained away as an attempt in the 2060s to have flying money).

The money you collect and make from deliveries is used to buy new parts for your shop. Obviously, as soon as I saw there were vaguely-Transformers looking parts, I saved up and bought those. And painted it purple, because Saints Row represent. There’s a whole bunch of parts available, and unlocking certain ones will also unlock power-ups, one of which you choose at the start of each VIP delivery, such as a speed boost or a shield.

There are some great looking parts, but man do I love the Transmoboticon

Each delivery begins with a short cutscene introducing the customer (usually a parody of pop culture from the 90s), before you’re told what the objectives are. Collect ingredients, destroy property, don’t destroy property, defeat a set amount of enemies… You have to complete the objectives before the final delivery can be made, so you have to avoid running out of time and being destroyed yourself.

This is the most X-Men thing to be said in a videogame, and I'm counting the many X-Men videogames

As well as the 32 deliveries, each suburb has a challenge level. These set you down with a time limit and you have to deliver as many pizzas as possible, though there are walk ins - people you step on to start a mini-game. You have to place the toppings, hit the button to get to the right temperature, then slice it. Luckily, the timer stops while you’re in the mini-game. The level ends when time runs out or you’re defeated.

I'd have gotten a higher score if I'd found the cheese and tomato...

Cheezeborg’s forces are trying to stop you, starting off as tanks, helicopters and ground troops but eventually getting much bigger. They don’t do much damage on their own, but with enough time (or weight of numbers) they are capable of destroying a pizza robot. You defend yourself by punching, stomping, skidding along the ground, twirling in the sky - or running away.

The main storyline took me just under six hours to complete, and I had a blast the entire time. I’ve not reached 100%, and there are more than a couple of elusive gold medals on the challenge missions, but I’ll definitely be trying to get those. The level designs are all very unique which keeps them from becoming boring, and you have to explore them if you have any hopes of locating the six special ingredients which have been dropped from orbit. Each one gives you a bonus payout, and a bigger one if you grab them all, so there are definitely reasons to go back to each level.

This particular VIP delivery had me in stitches

I’ve honestly been trying so hard to find things wrong with Pizza Titan Ultra. A bug, maybe a sound clip used incorrectly or a grammatical error - I was playing a pre-release version, surely it had something wrong with it! But no. Even the price point is fair, at $17.99 (regional prices to be confirmed) - and this is from someone who won’t pay half of that for The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Game of the Year Edition.

Pizza Titan Ultra is perfectly balanced, looks great, runs well and is hilarious. I’d love it even it it wasn’t a giant robot with a built-in pizza shop that I could make look vaguely look like a Transformer. But because I can? I love it even more. I cannot recommend this enough.