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Diary of an NPC - Entry Eight

Diary of an NPC - Entry Eight

You play the main character in every game - the plot revolves around your every moment in the game like as unto a god. Of course, this means you ignore what's going on with the people around who you're controlling. The people who drive around, go in and out of stores and generally live their lives. But did you realise there are a limited number of so-called NPCs? To do their jobs in all of these games, especially the heavily-populated ones, they need to be able to come and go as they please. These people don’t think it’s odd to go from deep space to a land of dinosaurs in the space of a week - it’s their way of life. In this series, we follow one of these people - Nigel Philip Charles. With Kirkwall in a religious war, Nigel set his sights on space...

Day of Arrival

You'd think space travel was really cool... It is, but not really. If you want to get to another floor of the spaceship, the elevator takes forever to go a single floor down. Major design flaw in vessels designed to go faster than the speed of sound. But I joined up with Cerberus and got given a uniform and stuff. They might be a cult... Or space Nazis... Keep talking about keeping Earth "pure"... Whatever gives me a paycheck and a place to sleep, I say! I've been assigned to R&D and start my job as a test pilot tomorrow. Isn't the future great? A guy with no qualifications can pilot space stuff!


That was AWESOME! I test drove a space car called a Mako, to see whether it was suitable to be fitted aboard this ship Cerberus are building for this shepard - spelt weird like that. Space cars and space sheep, who knew? Anyway, it has jump-jets and drives like a dream! The Mako, not the sheep... Really nice handling, too. I've submitted my report that they should definitely put one aboard the Normandy II for that shepard.

640px Mako 2


So apparently the guy isn't a shepard, he's the shepard. I didn't want to look like an idiot, so I was all "Oh, right!". Still no clue what makes the guy so special. I assume the space-German-shepherd does all of the work. What, he builds a really nice sheep pen? Apparently they're rebuilding him as well as his ship... How dangerous is sheep rustling?

317px Miranda1


Today I've been asked to hand in my uniform... Apparently every single other driver of the Mako has almost died while driving it, so they think I lied and simply approved a useless, horrible vehicle... They're sending me to the Citadel - some big space station. I don't think I helped things by complimenting my boss Miranda's boobs...



So the Citadel is nice. Lots of aliens that aren't monsters - even the ones that look like monsters. They don't like you screaming in fear at them... There's also this blue woman I keep seeing everywhere. I think she either moves very fast, or has lots of twins - or they have clones here - because it really looks like she's hanging out with a dozen different people and wearing fifteen outfits sometimes. I heard someone call her Asari, which is fitting. She doesn't look like June, or something. She does look like the perfect woman for me, though!


I've settled in to my new place, and got a job as a camera operator for the Westerlund News, the local human news station. The cameras float around near the reporters, it's my job to get the best shot. It's an okay job - usually a lot of sweeping shots or the repairs from some attack a couple of years ago. I've been assured the 'Reapers' have been killed though, so I'm not worried.


Something interesting happened today... I went into one of my favourite stores and was greeted by the usual chime - except it wasn't a chime. It was a voice. "I'm Commander shepard and this is my favourite place in the Citadel". I wonder if that's the shepard from Cerberus - and that's why he was called the shepard - because he's a celebrity. But who names their kid Commander?


This is annoying... Now it's happening in EVERY STORE! Every single one of them is this shepard's favourite?! How does that happen? False advertising! I bet he gets a discount too! What a poser...



Well today at work I met Commander Shepard (name, not job). He was wearing really awesome armour and punched my reporter Khalisah al-Jilani in the face... Which I'm told wasn't the first time. The phrase 'Once bitten, twice shy' doesn't apply to her... Luckily I got it all on camera, so I've been given a bonus! Shepard was saying something about Reapers, though...


I looked up some stuff about this Commander Shepard and apparently he killed a Reaper, but I'm worried he knows what he's talking about. If more Reapers (giant spaceships with brains!) attack, I don't want to die in space...


I’ve handed in my notice - well, left a note in my room - and left the Citadel. I’m going to Empire City where it’s safer, become a bike messenger...

diary 20

Diary of an NPC
Andrew Duncan

Andrew Duncan


Guaranteed to know more about Transformers and Deadpool than any other staff member.

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