Things Batman Can Probably Do

Every comic fan has heard of the things Batman can do. Moviegoers have seen it in action, though most just know he was trained by Liam Neeson; they don’t understand that in continuity, Batman trained to do everything and be the best human possible. He’s better than his wards, greater than Green Arrow, and would have called himself Superman if not for the incident with the bat.

So, with that in mind, we already know how good Batman is at fighting, deductive reasoning, interrogation, tracking, sleuthing, driving, piloting… However, as well as visiting monks, spending time with Russian criminals, and all that ninja training, there are other things he is practiced in.

Babysitting

There are the best babysitters money can buy — then there is the best babysitter nobody can afford. Somewhere in Portugal, there's an old man Bruce sought out, who knows exactly how to administer “ba-bas” and the exact mathematics for Time Outs. Batman considered using these techniques on crime, but realised he couldn’t fit a Naughty Step into his utility belt.

Batman: Gotham Adventures #26

Limbo

15 days in Jamaica were all that Bruce required to learn the mystical art of the limbo. To this day, despite a crippling back injury and dozens of wounds, some nights he just likes to oil up, put on some steel drum music, and set the bar at 10cm.

Zumba

Batman did all of his training years ago, but the dancing and the aerobic exercise weren’t enough. So, he trained day and night in a Zumba studio with five rotating instructors, absorbing their secrets and knowledge.

Rap

The field of battle is always changing, which is why Batman has such wonderful toys. However, sometime soon, he knows he will have to rap battle — which is where his training with the hidden-in-exile Tupac will come into force.

Justice League Unlimited 'This Little Piggy'

Eat Very Efficiently

Returning to America and travelling the south, Bruce went to every winner of every Eating Contest in a 2,000-mile area. He learnt their jaw techniques, swallowing frequency, and condiment accompaniments, becoming the most efficient eater in history.

Spin plates

Most people say Batman can spin a lot of plates — but they mean it figuratively. He can, however, actually spin plates. Thanks to his time in the Russian circus, he can literally keep 15 plates spinning at a steady two miles per hour for up to three hours. Four if he visits the bathroom first.

Write erotic fiction

A known writer, with his many diaries detailing every aspect of criminology, Bruce had to obtain the knowledge from somewhere. He chose to shadow the writers who work exclusively with the Mills & Boon publishers in England. As such, he also learnt the art of the romance novel. His prose has such power and ferocity, just hearing the titles of his short stories gets a stronger reaction than every copy of Fifty Shades of Grey sold put together.

Batman - The Brave and the Bold - Night of the Huntress!

Pottery

Bruce was so impressed with the clay work done by Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in the movie Ghost, that he ruined six DVD copies of the movie learning the art of pottery. Today, you’ll find most of the ornate urns and pots in Wayne Manor, which are apparently expensive art pieces, were, in fact, crafted by Bruce himself.

Tap dance

Following Michael “Lord of the Dance” Flatley around on tour as a roadie, Bruce learnt to be quick on his feet. However, he didn’t expect to also pick up tap. Occasionally, he will be practicing his footwork — suddenly he’s tapping his way across the Batcave. His greatest fear is bursting into a jazz-tap routine whilst duelling Ra’s al Ghul.

Now you know some of the Dark Knight’s hidden talents that prove he doesn't need superpowers. But, if he did, he’d have all of them.