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Top 5 Worst Videogame Relationships

Top 5 Worst Videogame Relationships

The biggest money maker around Valentine's Day isn't Clinton's cards, Thorntons chocolates or even HM Samuel jewellery: it's the banks. You want to spoil your significant other, and at some point it gets out of hand - suddenly you're in debt with an overdraft the size of Quebec and a credit card your grandchildren will be paying off. Here are the relationships in videogames that are a bit like that.

5. Bowser and the mother of his children

Bowser plus nobody equals koopakids
In Super Mario Bros. 3 we were introduced to the Koopa Kids, Bowser's children. There was no sign of a mother, but we could assume she remained hidden away for whatever reason. 20 years later, we still have no idea whom it was that laid the eggs the Koopa Kids hatched from, but she has popped out another one - Bowser Jr! Through the course of Super Mario Sunshine, Bowser is tricking his son into believing that Princess Peach is his mother. Although it turns out that Bowser Jr knew the truth, we're still left wondering where the mother is. Bowser keeps impregnating her, yet every 10 minutes he's trying to kidnap Peach for nefarious reasons - he really is a terrible boyfriend.

4. Tidus and Yuna

Tidus Yuna
At the start of Final Fantasy X, Tidus is transported through time. This is something that Auron explains, as well as the fact Tidus' father did the same thing years ago. Despite being a time traveller, Tidus decides to not keep it in his pants and tries to seduce the only person who can save the world. This is distracting her from her job - which is literally going to save thousands of lives - and making her doubt her role for which she has been preparing herself for most of her life. He doesn't even want to stay in the same time as Yuna and spends the majority of the game complaining about his role as one of her bodyguards. Perhaps its all a ploy and he knows it will trick her into falling for him? If this is the case, he's an even worse boyfriend than I thought.

3. Amy Rose and Sonic The Hedgehog

After rescuing her from Metal Sonic in Sonic CD, Amy embarked on what can only be described as a stalking spree against Sonic. She has followed him into racing, fighting tournaments, Olympics and almost every single game Sonic has appeared in. This goes far beyond stalking, as she has been known to tell random people that she is Sonic's girlfriend, despite that being complete fabrication. With no apparent care for what he's doing at any given time, Amy has grabbed Sonic without warning, as well as her constant involvement in his life leading her to being kidnapped or nearly killed several times. Her possessive attitude is probably why Sonic refuses to date her.

2. Commander Shepard and the Normandy crew

shepards conquests
Shepard, no matter if a man or a woman, will sleep with 16 people across the course of three Mass Effects. Or, at least they have the option to do so. This is a grievous breach of trust, for a commanding officer to take advantage of their position to get into certain other positions. And they seem to target the most damaged of their crew! Here are some of the choices: the only gay man in the Systems Alliance; a victim of massive childhood abuse who has just killed her tormentor; a woman who might die from infection if she falls for their manipulation; and a woman who will literally explode the head of anyone who sleeps with her. Commander Shepard is a terrible person to have a relationship with.

1. Everyone in Rogue Legacy

There are self-destructive relationships, there are relationships that are co-dependent - but rarely are there relationships that are dependant-destructive. Rogue Legacy is a game involving a magical castle that requires your descendants to plumb its depths after the last one inevitably perishes. This means that every generation for potentially hundreds, is allowing their child to enter the same castle that has resulted in the death of their loved ones. Husbands send their wives and vice versa, children send their father or mother, a parent and a grandparent watch as every 20 years another one is lost to the monsters inside... It's one thing being a bad lover or partner, but there are at least four people allowing this tragedy to occur time and time again.

Valentine's Day
Andrew Duncan

Andrew Duncan


Guaranteed to know more about Transformers and Deadpool than any other staff member.

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domdange - 10:14am, 14th February 2015

I think Shepard needs to seriosuly think about mixing work and his love life. Would have meant stopping the Reapers much faster!