10 of My Toxic Love Interests in Date Everything!

In honour of Valentine’s Day, I’ve written an article about my most toxic love experiences in Date Everything!, which is a companion piece to my Top Dateables piece here. This article will focus on the characters who aren’t necessarily the worst, but I’ve had some… experiences with. I should note that I do not hate any of these characters, so please take this list with good humour.

So, let’s dive in. And just to let you know, there will be spoilers ahead.

Dirk

My love for Johnny Yong Bosch knows no bounds, but Dirk? Well, he and Harper — who we’ll get to next — are part of an incredibly toxic couple. I love Dirk’s design, considering the dude is just dirty laundry, but when he and Harper finally break up, well… that’s an experience. He’s a completely different person, and while I don’t hate that for him, seeing Dirk and Harper’s relationship just turns me far away from him and his… body pillow.

Harper

Laura Bailey is amazing and I will take no complaints about her… but Harper? She terrifies me. She’s a hamper, and while you can attempt to persuade her to just remain friends with you, despite the fact that you just encouraged her to break up with Dirk, well… I had to convince her not to get a tattoo of my character or to jump into a relationship with me. Harper just needs to focus on herself.

Stella

Stella is but a kindly staircase, and unfortunately, she’s been targeted by a pyramid scheme. The main issue here? You have to join said pyramid scheme if you want to get a love ending with her. Or, you know, another method like shutting her down but still encouraging her. It feels like she’s scamming you, and you know she’s getting manipulated, but you can’t talk sense into her. Instead? You try to warn her away, and she will just hate you forever.

Friar Errol

Somehow, it’s my favourite voice actors — Liam O’Brien — who are turning out to be the ones who were bad for me. Friar Errol isn’t an inherently bad guy, but he’s overzealous about the ways of convection, and it felt like I was being indoctrinated into a cult. Sure, a cult of air fryers, but still a cult. Although… I did find his storyline hilarious, and I don’t mind the amount of mayhem that comes from giving in to the temptation of a mozzarella stick.

Drysdale

Neil Newbon, you’ve done it again. You’ve voiced a toxic figure with the most immaculate hair, and I can’t hate him. I mean, it’s not surprising considering I love Astarion, and this is just Astarion in the form of a dryer. Drysdale wants to get back with Washford (the washing machine), and he’s also prone to some casual flirting… And yet somehow I feel like I’ve manipulated Washford by getting the two of them back together.

Doug

I did have a debate with a friend of mine about this, as she believes Doug is a crisis, but… the concept of existential dread will have me watch car crash videos with him. So he’s on the list. He’s… not evil(?) but he’s also not a good guy. I want him to love me, but he will also just opt to sleep with me for his own entertainment. Honestly, I think if he were voiced by anyone but SungWon Cho, I would not love Doug nearly as much.

Rebel

I don’t hate Rebel. I just have never known rage like when I was talking to that duck, and the constant verbal assault I was then subjected to. Honestly, Rebel terrified me, and while I’m glad that I did eventually get a Friend ending with her, I just… I couldn’t handle Rebel’s insults. Seriously, I think at one point I started hurling the insults back. She’s a great character, but boy, she knew how to push buttons and even I’m not that creative with my language.

Fantina

I’m scared of Fantina. Sure, I was scared of Hector the vent too, because both of them feel considerably stalkery. Hector? Yeah, he turned out to be all right. Fantina? … Well, she had a shrine dedicated to me, and honestly, I was perturbed by the er… dedication she showed me. Yes… dedication.

Keith

I turned off the content warnings, and let me tell you, I was not expecting Keith’s betrayal. The reason he’s not at the very bottom of the list here? I thought it was just hilarious that he literally stole my money and ran off to go on a drug-fuelled bender. I… I’m still shocked, but I also found it bloody hilarious. He may be a sociopath, but damn, I wasn’t expecting him to be like that.

Volt and Eddie

Can I just say that Volt and Eddie are two of my absolute favourite Dateables? However, I have never felt more betrayed than when I got a Hate ending with them. You know how you want to help them and encourage honesty? Yeah, that was a bad move. I asked too many questions, and despite loving both of them, Volt saw me as a… threat. And threatened to kill me. It did not feel very healthy.

Honourable Mention: You

 

That’s right. You. The playable character. We all know you’re going to be on this list, because we’ve all played Date Everything!. We’ve all manipulated everyone to get the endings we want, even becoming assholes to get all the Hate endings. Frankly, it’s no wonder that characters like Rebel hate us because… they have a point.

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Tell me, what experiences did you have with Date Everything!? Have any ridiculous experiences? Which characters did you end up having a weird, toxic relationship with? Let’s all have a therapeutic chat about this in the comments below.