So recently I have found myself thoroughly hooked on Stardew Valley, which is a most-excellent game of most excellent-ness. There are several romance options available in the game, and so I decided to try them all (for science) and here are the results of my findings presented to you in a ranked list of my own opinion. Meet the bachelorettes...
I want to like Haley, I really do, but she just offered me nothing. She’s the ultimate adorable princess, but she’s just too shallow for my liking. If you progress through her romance you’ll find she has *some* depth but it’s just really not enough to redeem how freaking Karen Smith from Mean Girls she is. Okay so maybe she’s not quite that bad, but she was just never a candidate for me, not even a little bit.
Maru’s a cutiepie. But like a cutiepie in the very opposite way of Haley. She’s this perfect little dork wrapped up in a pair of dungarees. Her character arc is pretty damn interesting, and she’s clearly a sensitive soul, but one with a damn clever head on her shoulders. She was just a little too *young* in her mannerisms, and that’s difficult to get past. Don’t get me wrong, she’s likeable, just doesn’t have the pizazz of some of the other ladies.
Abigail is entirely my type. She’s a rocker (a drummer even), with purple hair, and is obsessed with the obscure AND she’s massively into videogames. You couldn’t get closer to the type of girl I’d swoon over, if you tried. However, she’s just lacking a little bit in terms of emotional development over the course of the game. She’s got some great scenes, and is definitely a bit of a badass which I love but she was just edged out by the following two.
Oh Leah. Initially, I had decided that I was gonna romance Leah, over any of the bachelors in fact. It probably had something to do with the fact that she has these gorgeous purple eyes, and all my short stories when I was younger would feature a protagonist with violet-hued irises. She a bleddy great character too, independent, nature loving, an artist. She’s talented and interesting and political and intellectual *gasps for air*. The only reason she’s at the second ranking is because #1 is just kinda untouchable to be honest.
Just thinking about Penny and her situation makes me well up. She lives in a trailer with her drunkard, borderline abusive mother with no sort of foreseeable way out. She tutors the two children in the village because she is determined that they get a decent education and can often be seen taking them all over the place to help give their lives some fun and meaning. When she’s not with the kids she’s always got her nose in a book, no doubt dreaming of a far off country where all her problems are just a dream. I can’t not choose Penny, just so I can whisk her off to a new life where she can read all the books she wants in peace.