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Stardew Valley - Bachelors Ranked

Stardew Valley - Bachelors Ranked

So recently I have found myself thoroughly hooked on Stardew Valley, which is a most-excellent game of most excellent-ness. There are several romance options available in the game, and so I decided to try them all (for science) and here are the results of my findings presented to you in a ranked list of my own opinion. Meet the bachelors...(bachelorettes coming soon!)

Spoilers likely folks!

#5: Harvey -

harvey stardew

Harvey is alright, I guess. That is, if you can get past the first few interactions with him. Stardew is full of slow-burners when it comes to the romances, and Harvey is one of them. Sadly, he’s a little too slow for my liking which is why he’s at the bottom of my list. He’s got some cute scenes later on that somewhat redeem him but you have to dig through his quiet, and honestly quite dull personality to get to the good stuff. I guess it’s true to life but I just don’t have the patience for that. If you like a challenge, Harvey’s the one for you, plus he’s a doctor so that’s hot right?

#4: Elliot -

Elliott stardew

Elliot is very basic. And by that I mean he is the ultimate in hipster. He lives in a shack where he writes novels and plays the piano, occasionally pausing to complain about how his long luscious hair (which is a 1000% better than yours) takes to brush through every morning. It’s not that I don’t like Elliot, because I do, and I actually considered him as a marriage candidate - it’s just that there’s no real pay off. Everything is quite surface level, and it doesn’t really feel that there’s much in way of his character revealing something deeper about himself. It’s very much a case of what you see is what you get, from the off. There’s a wonderful boat scene though, if you get that far. ;)

#3: Alex -

alex stardew

Alex. I struggled with where to rank Alex, he was a very close number two. Personally I never considered him as a marriage candidate because I find his whole jock thing truly repulsive. Saying that, he is the exact opposite of Elliot plot-wise, with a frankly heartbreakingly beautiful character arc. It goes miles to explaining his annoying facade, making me care about him a great deal. It’s just for me, that caring never crosses the line from a platonic love into, a yeah, I’d totally bone him-ness.

#2: Sam -

sam stardew

Sam was a front runner for me from the very beginning of the game. In fact he was only overtaken at the last minute by my #1 batchelor. He’s a guitarist, sk8er boi with a rebellious streak. Only he’s also the most adorable big brother ever and looks after his mum too. I think he’s probably a little too immature for some, but he just took me back to the boys I fancied in uni - laddish with a romantic and sensitive side that not everyone sees.

#1: Sebastian -

Sebastian stardew

Oh Sebastian. At first I was like, “you’re so emo Sebastian, I could never fancy you”. And then I was all, “wait you have a motorcycle and want to drive off into the sunset with me?“ and the rest is history. Honestly, Sebastian is the ultimate bad boy, hacker, smoker, basement room inhabiter but somehow has this beautifully sensitive plotline as you advance through the romance. He has social anxiety, and prefers to be alone, so letting you in is all the more special. Look, I’m predictable, I know, but at least I admit it.

Honorable Mention: Shane -

shane stardew

Shane is who I would have romanced, had he been romanceable when I started the game. He’s easily the best character in Stardew Valley, with my favourite character arc by a long shot. He’s an aspiring filmmaker, having to work in a hellish retail job to make ends meet, making his depression spiral and spending his nights in the local pub, drinking away the time. The good news is, he’s soon to be a romance candidate, so I know who I’m gonna be running to find.

Emsey P. Walker

Emsey P. Walker

Junior Editor

Emsey is a lover of games and penguins. Apparently she does some writing too...somewhere...

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justme2 - 01:04am, 24th August 2016

I think Harvey is very underrated by most of the Stardew community. He's clearly the oldest of the bachelors -- he went to college for 8 years so he's probably somewhere in his late 20s...and I admit I have a "thing" for older men. Sebastian, Alex and Sam are still too much "kids" for my tastes since they all still live at home with parents/grandparents, and while Elliott's a possibility, he's way too high maintenance with his hair and love of lobster and duck feathers. After a couple of seasons, it's fairly easy to woo Harvey with regular delivery of pickles and wine. And he makes a great husband too.